A Goat Girl
by callmesandy
Summary: Kensi has a kid and a genius ex and finding out who killed Don Blye goes down differently. Deeks/Kensi by the final chapter.
1. I wanted a lion but

notes: not for profit, not mine. Thanks PB! Kensi's baby daddy is clearly inspired by a character from another show. Chapter titles and title from Tanya Donnelly's Goat Girl.

xxx

In the nearly literally a year since Marty had been partnered with the lovely single mother Kensi Blye, he'd already followed her to Romania and Prague, taken a bullet for her, and had way too many inappropriate thoughts about her in the shower. Now he was watching Nell prepare to dissect her personal life. At the very least the personal life of her baby daddy who apparently Assistant Director Granger - much less pleasant than Lead Director in Charge Vance - thought was offing Marines.

Nell swiped at the screen. "Casey Michaels was born Charles Seth Kearing in 1980."

"That name's familiar," Marty said. "How do I know that?" He was also wondering why Kensi had never mentioned Casey had a fake last name. Also, Casey was an unusual nickname for Charles Seth.

"Casey Kearing's mother is the physicist Calla Kearing. She died in 1988 in a lab explosion that killed three other people and has been the subject of conspiracy theorists ever since. Some people think she was working on alien technology and knew too much," Nell said, skepticism in her voice. Marty had worked with his fair share of old cranky obsessed LAPD cops who believed every right wing conspiracy that came down the bend. Maybe that was where he'd heard it.

"Her son was left in the care of his father, Seth Kearing, who had a mental breakdown, left his son with his wife's lab assistant, the surviving one, and went into the woods and starved himself to death," Nell said.

"That is one shitty childhood," Marty said. And he was a minor expert on shitty childhoods. Maybe even a major expert, even with Nate in the room. Nate, who had just shown up in Granger's trail and also didn't seem to think much of their new Assistant Dictator.

Nell nodded. "Casey Kearing had money from Seth Kearing's poetry books and a lot more money from Calla Kearing's patents on weapons. Casey managed to stay with the lab assistant and not go into the foster system by virtue of the money and also because he's a genius. Seriously."

Eric said, "Is his IQ higher than yours?"

"Actually yes," Nell said. She sounded slightly put out to Marty. "He's like 2 points lower than Walter O'Brien. But I was never, I didn't use my powers for evil."

Eric said, "Technically unproven evil." Eric spun in his chair and threw up a ton of files on the screen. "From ages 13 to 23, Casey Kearing was a suspect in over 1 billion dollars of cyber theft. He was a hacker. But not the malicious kind or the show off kind. It was all just a tool for him."

"He's a sociopath," Granger said. Marty did not like that guy. It had been about two days of knowing the guy, but Marty was feeling very sure. He was willing to put money down Sam and Callen were on Marty's side in this issue.

"He is not a sociopath," Nate said sharply. The doc did not like Granger using that term, clearly. Somehow the righteous anger made Nate seem even taller, like his head was about to graze the ceiling. "Casey Michaels has empathy for others and cares deeply about more than just himself."

Granger huffed. "Fine, he's not a sociopath. He's a son of a bitch. I've been in a room with him, he didn't care if anyone in that room lived or died."

Eric interrupted. "He works for the DoD, now, you know. He turned himself in and confessed to nothing and nothing was ever proven. Now he does internet security and advises the DoD. He makes spy gear. We use some of it here."

"So he was super genius hacker thief and then he just stopped," Marty said. "Was that when he met Kensi?"

"The year before," Granger said, growling.

Marty said, "So why did he do it?"

"The better to con a even larger audience," Granger said. The man did not like Kensi's baby daddy. At all. Which made Marty think Granger had bad taste because Kensi liked and more importantly, trusted Casey and Winter seemed to think he was the bee's knees.

"He told Kensi he just grew up," Nate said.

Callen said, "I don't believe it."

"You don't think he went straight," Marty said.

"Oh, I believe that. But I haven't heard a single thing that makes me think Casey Michaels has been murdering members of Donald Blye's old sniper unit."

"So we're not accepting Granger's explanation that he's a bad bad man," Marty said. "I can see where it might be a hard case to prosecute."

"I have evidence, I have motive. I have a man on the run who seems to have been joined by one of your NCIS agents," Granger said.

Nate said, "And we are saying that is not enough for us to think Kensi would be helping this man."

Sam said, "In his whole alleged criminal past, did Casey ever personally harm someone?"

"Nope," Eric said.

"Are you a fan, Beale?" Granger snarled. He had a definite snarl.

"I admire his computer skills," Eric said.

"I'll bet," Granger said. The man was not endearing himself to anyone in the room.

Sam said, "Let's review this so called evidence."

Nell said, somehow radiating disapproval with the set of her cardigan clad shoulders, "The first member of Donald Blye's unit died in 2006, the year Kensi joined the NCIS, over the objections of some people."

"She means me," Granger said. "I've knew Donald Blye, he would never have wanted Kensi with that man. And outside of those personal concerns, Kensi Blye is linked for life to a man who can not be trusted."

"You met him at a DoD meeting, where he was working for the government. The one we all work for," Eric said, slowly.

"I think we've had enough of your teenage girl fan worship of him," Granger said. "Get back to the actual evidence, Jones."

Nell frowned more, like a tiny Anthropologie bundle of frowns and disapproval in tights and boots. "Then over the last 2 months, 4 more have been killed. There's surveillance footage which shows someone who could be Casey Michaels near the car accidents, in a location where a sniper shot would have been fired. Further forensics show each of these accidents were not accidents, but carefully placed sniper shots."

"If it's a sniper thing, why don't we think Kensi did it?" Marty stepped back at the hostility of everyone in the room besides Granger. "Sorry, but she's the sniper, you described Casey as some kind of hacker criminal type. Does he even shoot? Weren't all these guys in Hawaii? It's not suspicious if someone was in Hawaii. Why wouldn't you be in Hawaii if you could afford it?"

"We know where Blye was when the last four deaths happened," Granger said. "And as to your question, while there's no proof Michaels used a gun in the past, we know for a fact Kensi taught him how to use one."

"She's a good enough teacher to make him a master sniper?" Marty said, "I mean, she is not a great teacher. She tried to show me how to be a better shot and it did not work out." He'd certainly enjoyed her alterations to his shooting stance. He was probably being mean, just because she was impatient and smug with him didn't mean she couldn't teach Casey. But not to be a sniper.

"Maybe the guy with the genius IQ is a better learner than you," Granger said.

Sam said, "Deeks passed the California bar, he's no idiot."

"Thank you," Marty said, surprised.

"No one picks on you but us," Callen said softly, almost smirking.

"Look, we have the evidence," Granger said. "Hunter's signed off on this. Hetty Lange won't be interceding from her recovery bed. Your orders are to find Kearing and Blye before they kill anyone else."

Marty said, "Where's Winter?"

"With Kensi's mother," Nate said.

"So, Casey Michaels is a super duper cyber hacker of the order that Eric and Nell are in awe of him -"

"I am not," Nell said. "Eric is."

"Eric is in awe of, and Nell used to be in awe of Eric so by the transitive property," Marty said, waving his hand. "Why wouldn't he just disappear? Take his daughter, his baby mama, go to," Marty paused. Just in case he wasn't mentioning Hungary. "Go to Brazil or Norway and no one would ever find them. It's clear he can do that. But instead of doing that which we all agree he and Kensi are capable of, he leaves his daughter where everyone from the federal government can find her and just ambles away like, I dunno, he wants to prove his innocence."

"Exactly," Nate said.

Granger said, "You've got a great case for his defense attorney. Back with the public defender again, Detective Deeks?"

"I am very sure Casey Michaels could afford better than me," Marty said, smirking. "Though my rate doesn't reflect my skills. I'm still pretty fantastic in a court room."

Nate said, "No one in here but you, Assistant Director, believes Casey Michaels is guilty."

"And I'm Assistant Director, so my belief and evidence and motive, all that? Means I'm in charge." Granger pointed angrily at Callen like that's all it took. He said, "For you two here," he meant Nell and Eric. "They seized at two laptops at Casey Michaels's apartment, no one can figure out how they even turn on." He stormed out.

Eric's jaw literally dropped. "Casey Kearing's laptop. Oh my god."

Nell said, "Wow."

Sam said, "She is definitely not in awe of him, nope."

Nate laughed quietly.

"He makes them himself," Eric said, staring at the computers Granger had put on the table. "He's a mechanical engineering god. Kensi told me once he builds them himself and one time he gave her one and she couldn't make it work. And Kensi's not a total idiot. I was so envious."

"Eric really just loves his brain," Callen said. "Okay, Granger's marched off but he's still watching us. Sam and I are going to head to Kensi's, maybe we can find her first. Nate, stay here and be our eyes on Granger."

"He's probably monitoring all of our phones," Nate said. "Maybe I'm being paranoid."

"I'm going to see Winter," Marty said.

"She won't say anything," Sam said.

"I'm sure she didn't to the mean guys trying to get her parents and scare her Grandma but me and her have a bond. And I don't think her parents are guilty of anything," Marty said.

"Good point," Callen said. "Good luck."


	2. See my child, my past

May 2010: The night after Dom died Kensi drove straight to Casey's and woke up Winter just to hold her.

Winter hugged her back and made snorfling sounds like she was ready to fall right back asleep. "I'm okay, Mommy," she said.

Kensi said, "I know, I just like the reminder." Winter fell asleep while Kensi petted her hair.

Casey came in to Winter's room, less irritated than he'd been when she showed up. He brought a blanket and a pillow he put on the floor next to Winter's low bed. "You can stay here, bring her to school tomorrow."

"Thanks," Kensi said. She fell asleep in an awkward position, her hand in Winter's hair.

Casey came into Winter's room five hours later and woke her up. "I can't believe you were really sleeping on the floor. Come on," he said.

Kensi rose up and kissed him. He kissed back. They fit together so well. He was always, every time they were together like that, the exact right mix of tender and fucking. She gripped his back and didn't think of Dom at all.

She felt together and melted all at once. She even smiled for a minute. She must have looked happy.

Casey said, "I wish I could do that like you."

She closed her eyes. Casey post-coital was weirdly insecure and mean. She knew it, he was always like that ever since they broke up. The sex balanced it out, generally. It was a lot to take today of all days."You're always mad at me," she said. She wanted to curl into a ball and never come out.

"I loved you, you didn't love me, it makes me upset sometimes," he said.

She sighed. She said, "I don't get why you always believe that. I loved you."

He said, "Really." He sat up with his back to her.

"Really," she said. She sat up and leaned against him, her cheek on his shoulder blade. "Really, really, really. My father left and Jack left and I was convinced that everyone left me until you. You never left me. Even with all my crazy and your crazy, we stuck together."

"I am not technically crazy," he said. He shifted slightly. "I have very little crazy."

"I don't mean the crazy you worry about," Kensi said. "I mean your weird thing where you think I never loved you and where you think I never got over Jack."

"He has a kid now," Casey said. "He's married, with a child. Living in Afghanistan, by the way. He signed up with a private contractor and then quit, converted to Islam."

She laid back and nearly laughed. "Of course he did. And of course you found out." Unbelievably ridiculous, it had to be true. He left her and her help and he found what he needed with someone else in Afghanistan. She could be so useless.

"You know who else knows that? Your boss Hetty Lange." He laid back as well. They were naked, shoulder to shoulder on his bed with his expensive sheets. It was like he could sense her mood because he stopped talking.

"I'm sorry your friend died." At least, in his heart, Casey was a decent person. That she used to love.

"Me, too," she said.

She stared at the ceiling and said, "I wish you really could find out anything."

"No one can actually do that," he said. In the pitch dark of the room she could tell he was on his side, talking to her hair. "The Jack stuff was pretty easy."

Casey was the one who wanted the baby. Kensi had been abandoned by Jack and Casey was just this guy, this guy who managed to make her feel something sometimes so Kensi had looked at the stick and thought mostly nothing. Casey, though, he was shocked and then he was thrilled. She smiled back at him because he was smiling and like everything since Jack left her, she followed where she was pushed.

Nate and Casey and her mother all pointed out she was utterly wrong when she described herself that way, but Kensi still thought it was true.

She was six months along before she really grasped that she was about to be a mom. She panicked and freaked out. She even called her mother for the first time since she was 14.

So having Winter was eventually something Kensi really wanted, she was sure, she had no regrets, but she always felt like Casey wanted it more. Even after Winter was born, even while Kensi was breastfeeding, even with all the love and how overwhelming it could be, Kensi was pretty sure Casey was the one who loved her best.

He had primary custody, she got weekends and every other Wednesday. He went where her work sent her, not for Kensi, but because he thought Kensi was good for Winter.

"Sometimes I just don't think he's right," Kensi said.

Nate looked down at his desk. "Do you ever think there's something incredibly sexist about the anxiety you have about this? If you were Winter's father, would you think you were a bad father? You have this idea of how a mother is supposed to be, and since you're not, you turn it into guilt and this neverending loop of how you don't want to be a mother even though you clearly do and are."

Nate's voice had an edge Kensi wasn't used to. "I know you're talking to everyone about how they feel about Dom," Kensi said. "But who is talking to you? You knew him, too. You liked him."

"You were his partner and you're in here, deflecting any talk about your feelings by talking about this. Which you do all the time, Kensi."

Nate really was upset, apparently. "These are my feelings," she said. "I didn't realize my feelings only counted when they were what you wanted."

"I know," he said. Nate rubbed his eyes. "Sorry." He said, "Did you ever think that maybe Casey is more invested to you because of the difference in your backgrounds, the relationships you have with your parents?"

Casey would have been, was already and always angry about how much NCIS knew about him. He would have been super pissed to hear Nate saying that.

"That's not it," she said. "You are upset about Dom."

"I am," Nate said. "Of course I am. And you are, too, and we should talk about that."

"What is there to say? I'm sad. I think I failed him. We all think we failed him. We're probably all right," she said.

September 2010: Kensi said, "Mine's five, they grow up so fast." Emma smiled back and Kensi kept lying about how hard it was being a working mom. Kensi didn't actually find it hard at all. She knew Winter was taken care of, she loved her job. Winter was safe and loved and Kensi got to be an NCIS agent and save the world.

The next day Deeks said, "You do have a five year old, right?"

"A kid? Yeah, I do," she said. "Who told you?"

"Was it some kind of state secret? I'm a detective, I'm a very good detective, I keep my ear to the ground and I talk to everyone."

"Was it Helen in HR?"

"Yes it was," he said, grinning. "So what's her name?"

She rolled her eyes. "We're not going to bond here," Kensi said.

"Well, certainly not over having a kid, because I am not a parent. I like kids, though. I bet I'd like your kid a lot."

He didn't sound like a perv when he said it, so she said, "Florence Winter Michaels. We call her Winter. Florence, the first time Casey, her father, and I met, we talked about Florence, Italy, where neither of us had been. You're going to make fun of that now, right?"

"I absolutely am not. Great reason to name your kid Florence. Michaels, not Blye?"

Kensi shrugged. "That's the way it works," she said.

"Even for you?"

"Yes, even for me. What does that mean?"

"Kensi Bad Ass Blye, you are a tough as nails woman who loved her daddy very much, I feel like you would have insisted on Blye somewhere in the kid's name." Deeks paused. "Unless you're saving it for a boy."

"I was not. Have you been talking to Nate? I'm not sexist," Kensi said.

She'd finally called her mom and admitted the stupid awful thing that had been nagging her since she was 18, that her Blye grandparents had kept every communication from her mother away from Kensi. Her mom felt bad, Kensi felt bad. Kensi was 6 months pregnant and her mom was a godsend who flew in and stayed with her until Winter was 5 months old. Kensi would do that for Winter, she would in a heartbeat. It helped that Winter didn't need that right now, Kensi thought to herself.

Her mother had told her why she had left Don, the real reason. Kensi was still trying to figure out black ops and the gentle, honorable man she had known. Michaels was a good last name. Totally fictional, something Casey had picked largely at random. It had nothing attached to it.

November 2010: "Sorry," she said to Deeks as she pulled up at his apartment. "There was traffic, and -"

Deeks looked in the back seat and jumped in, grinning. "Hello, you must be Winter."

"I am," Winter said from the backseat. "You must be someone who works with Mommy."

"I am," Deeks said. "I'm Marty. Does she ever say anything about me?"

"No," Winter said. "Mommy never talks about work."

"Of course, she's a mommy of mystery," Deeks said. "So what do you guys talk about?"

"Deeks," Kensi said. The traffic was insane. Even for LA, it was insane. She could not tolerate being late and her stupid surfer boy partner interrogating her baby girl.

"We talk about me," Winter said. "I'm very interesting."

"I agree," Deeks said. "How's kindergarten treating you?"

"First grade," Winter said, placidly.

"I thought you were five."

"I am five," she said. "I never went to kindergarten."

Deeks said, "Didn't need to learn anything there, huh?"

"She was reading at 4 in 3 languages," Kensi said, not even trying not to sound smug.

Deeks nodded. "Which 3 languages, FW?"

Winter laughed uproariously at FW. She had a weird sense of humor. Kensi said, "English, Spanish and Hungarian."

"Hey, FW, why Hungarian?"

Kensi said, "Her dad's family is from Hungary, he speaks it a little."

"But you speak it a lot, Kens, right," Deeks said.

"Yeah," Winter said. "Mommy speaks a lot of languages. She reads my bedtime stories in a new one each time. I know a little of everything, too."

Deeks said to Winter, "Do you know jokes in Russian?"

"No," Winter said. "I know some in Spanish, wanna hear them?"

"So much," Deeks said. He really was good with kids. Winter told him two juvenile jokes in Spanish. Deeks laughed at both of them.

"Did your mom teach you those?" Deeks smirked at Kensi.

"No," Winter said. "Mommy doesn't know many jokes."

"Couldn't agree more," Deeks said.

"Deeks thinks I'm not very funny," Kensi said.

Deeks said, "I'm Deeks, by the way, Winter. I'm sure you knew that. But I am Marty Deeks, in case you were wondering."

"MD," Winter shrieked.

Deeks laughed as hard as Winter. She didn't get why it was so funny but she wasn't five, unlike Winter and Deeks.

Then Winter said, "Mommy is funny, though. Mommy is funny. You just don't get her jokes, I bet."

Kensi got a warm glow from that. It was sweet when Winter stood up for her. They were finally at Winter's school so Kensi pulled in and got out of the car to help Winter out of her car seat.

"Mommy," Winter said. She said, in perfect Hungarian, "I am not a small bunny."

"You are a large rat," Kensi said, also in Hungarian. They both giggled. They had identical laughs. Winter had called her funny and they laughed the same. It was frightening how happy that made Kensi. She kissed Winter on the cheek and stood on the sidewalk until Winter was met by a teacher at the door.

"Man," Deeks said. "Your kid is awesome."

"I agree," Kensi said. They were working on trust now. He had offered to let her hold his gun so she could pick him up and let him be in the car with her daughter.

January 2011: Deeks said, "Do you take Winter to shul or church or the local mosque?"

"You're still thinking about Yusef," Kensi said. "And we don't take her anywhere. I'm not religious, Casey's not religious." She shrugged. "Why do you always ask me about Winter when we're in the car? Is this because you think I should let you drive?"

"No," Deeks said. He almost sounded wounded. "I dunno, it just seems like you don't talk about her when we're in the bullpen."

"Callen and Sam know," she said. "It's not a huge secret. It's secret, but definitely not you and me secret. There is no you and me secret. There are no you and me secrets."

"I thought we were becoming friends," Deeks said. "Bonding on our personal lives."

"Bonding on my personal life, my daughter," Kensi said. "Now I think I'm upset."

"Please, you refuse to let me talk about my personal life and all the beautiful women I date."

"Beautiful and not very picky," Kensi said.

"You wish you were one of them," Deeks said, joking.

"I do not," she said, laughing. "I so do not. I pity those poor girls."

"You do not," Deeks said. "Is it hard dating with a kid?"

"I can't take her to bars, so it's not like we can double date," Kensi said, laughing at her own joke. "It's harder finding someone given that I have to lie to everyone, even my oldest friends."

"Yeah, but when it's just for a week or something, it's not that bad."

"Of course you think that," Kensi said. "Maybe I want a relationship."

"But you don't," Deeks said. "Do you? If you want a relationship, you should start with me. You don't have to lie to me."

"Maybe I want a human, not a dog."

"Ouch," Deeks said. "I have a dog."

"I've met Monty, multiple times, I know you have a dog," Kensi said. "Winter still asks about him." From one car ride 6 weeks ago. Deeks had met Winter four times, all unintentional on Kensi's part, and he'd charmed Winter to the point even Casey wanted to meet him.

"A little girl needs a pet," Deeks said.

"No, she really doesn't," Kensi said.

"You didn't have a dog growing up, I see," Deeks said.

"Actually, no," Kensi said. "Casey's not in favor of a pet, either, and he has her more than me."

Deeks was quiet for a bit. He said, "Maybe if he met Monty."

February 2011: Kensi looked at her phone. She was mildly intoxicated and drunk enough she even said it out loud: "booty call."

She looked at her phone and thought that while Casey would answer her booty call, she would be an ass to do it. They would have sex and have awkward conversations all over again and she wasn't up for it. It was mean to him because he had taken a lot longer than her to get over them.

She had a stray thought about calling Deeks. He had a great body. He would make her laugh. But they had had an actual serious conversation earlier that day. He'd said, "So you know all about PTSD, we never talked about that."

"Took you two months to finally ask about that," Kensi had said. She'd told him back in December that she did know where Jack was but she hadn't said anything more. It still stung that Hetty knew and had never told her. She'd meant to, in the back of her head, since that day to tell him about Jack but then in the front of her head she wondered why she gave a damn what Deeks knew.

She had said, "I also know the complete diagnostic criteria for bipolar disorder. Both of Casey's parents had it. He was convinced he was going to get it, too. Is convinced. There's a genetic component, they think. He made me memorize what to look out for," she had said. She was smiling.

"Like the stress of parenthood would trigger it?"

"Yeah," Kensi had said. "I don't know, he doesn't have it. He has not developed it."

"So, bipolar and PTSD. That's quite the niche category for Jeopardy, Kens."

The conversation had been serious and then he pulled it back after he started it. No calling Deeks. She was very precise in her thoughts when she was drunk.

She had slept with Callen one time, once. When she was in Japan and he was just in the NCIS, she thought. She wasn't sure now. He was an agent and she was an agent and they had sake. She and Casey had just broken up. It was good. It was really good. She remembered he woke her up when he was leaving in the middle of the night. He'd said, "You really have a kid?"

"I don't believe it sometimes myself," she'd said.

When they met again when she was assigned to OPS, they'd never talked about it. They had one moment of something like just looking at each other and acknowledging and they never talked about it or had to. Sometimes she forgot it had even happened. Probably he did, too.

Until she was drunk and thinking about a booty call.

She went to sleep with the phone in her hand, no one to call.

March 2011: "Not like fancy pants little Kensi's girl with her horse riding lessons," Sam said, laughing. They were all sitting at their desks in the bullpen, just the four of them left at the end of the day.

"I made her take those, she has to get outside, it was the only way," Kensi said. "She doesn't play sports. She does ballet and takes piano classes."

Deeks said, "So she isn't a tomboy like her mommy."

"I don't need her to be a tomboy," Kensi said.

"But you don't want her to take ballet," Callen said.

"Ballet is a good class to take. It's very disciplined," Sam said. "Winter likes her classes?"

"Yeah," Kensi said. "Doesn't Kamran play sports?"

"No, not really," Sam said.

Callen said, "Soccer not disciplined enough for you? Or do you just not think it's a real sport?"

"It's a real sport," Sam said.

"Agreed," Deeks said.

"What Kamran does is not sport. She and her friends they run around the field, sometimes they kick the ball, sometimes they don't. It's not disciplined."

"Unlike ballet," Deeks said. "I never pegged you for a ballet aficionado, Sam."

"You ever actually watched ballet? I have. You'd be on your knees worn out in five minutes," Sam said.

"The point is, I just want Winter to go outside and play. Like I did," Kensi said. "It's a good way to grow up."

Deeks said, "Worried she won't be able to wire a house?" He smirked at her. She couldn't believe he remembered that.

"Actually I'm not worried at all," Kensi said. "We'd both teach her that. But I used to be outdoors all the time and I didn't like skirts and, in conclusion, my daughter is not me."

"It's awful, isn't it?" Sam laughed.

She was still thinking about it when it was time to take Winter clothes shopping. She was using her child support credit card. "You made a big fuss about how you make your own money and don't need child support but the reality is I make very valuable spy toys and gadgets for the US government and so did my mom and I have way more money than you so I think our daughter should be able to get nice clothes or whatever without you having to starve," is how Casey put it. Kensi had asked why they were buying Winter things that cost enough that Kensi would starve if she paid for it, and Casey had rolled his eyes.

But Kensi had the card and they were at an expensive children's clothing store in Hollywood. Kensi was pretty sure she recognized the mother shopping two feet away from an episode of CGIS.

"Okay, kiddo, we need some pants -"

"Nope," Winter said. "I don't like pants. Just for horse riding. That's all I need pants for. And I'm not too big for those."

"Don't you want pants? I like pants better than skirts," Kensi said. "It's nice to have a mix of things."

"Nope," Winter said.

"No more saying nope. Say no, be respectful," Kensi said.

"Oookay," Winter said. "I like skirts."

"When I was a kid, I wore pants all the time because I was outside and bicycling and hiking and camping with my dad."

"Dad does not like camping. Just you like it, Mommy. Sorry." Winter looked up, not very apologetic. She looked so much like her dad. Sometimes, when Winter looked very very solemn, Kensi could see Donald Blye in her.

"How about some boxing," Kensi said. "Have you ever thought about boxing? It's pretty fun to learn."

"Hitting things?" Winter smiled. "I like that! We're not allowed to hit people, you said."

"This is just practice," Kensi said. Finally, something Kensi could do with her daughter. "It'll be fun."

"So now I can get all skirts and dresses?"

"Yes, baby," Kensi said.


	3. I park my heart in your driveway

July 2011: Marty put on his best charming smile as he talked to Julia. Sincere and charming. Very sincere which was very charming. He said, "I just want to help them. I know Kensi would never do anything and I know Casey would never do anything to hurt your granddaughter."

Julia shook her head. "But you still want to talk to Winter and me. I know what you and Kensi do."

"Catch bad guys? That's what me and Kensi do. That's what I'm trying to do now, catch the bad guy who's trying to get the father of your grandbaby killed."

She sighed. Julia said, "Yes, you're very good at getting what you want." She sat down. "What do you want?"

"You knew these guys, right? All the people from your ex-husband's unit? Who are now dead."

Julia nodded. Marty pulled out his surface and drew up the pictures of the dead Marines. Julia blinked twice at the first picture. "He's not dead," she said. "I told Casey that."

"This one? Peter?"

"Yes," Julia said. "Why didn't the other agents show me this?"

"They're not smart like me," Marty said. "And Casey, apparently."

"He came by a few weeks ago. Peter did, a month ago. Just he was in town and he wanted to say hello," Julia said.

"He always thought you were hot," Marty said.

Julia shook her head again. She even blushed. No wonder Peter Clairmont was sniffing around all evil. He'd gotten nowhere, obviously, because Julia clearly didn't think much of that guy.

"Maybe," she said. "Casey saw him leave, he had come by to pick up Winter's horse riding equipment. I take her to her horse riding lessons, they're near here. But he was going to take her the next day. Casey asked who it was and he was very surprised when I told him."

Marty said, "Kensi had been investigating her father's death. So Casey was, too." He thought. Putting pieces together. "Can I see Winter?"

Julia frowned but she said yes.

As Marty went up the stairs he grabbed the burner phone he'd bought on the way over and texted Callen to let him know Peter Clairmont was alive. He found Winter sitting on the floor, idly moving around mahjong tiles.

"I don't know that game, Florawin, wanna play something else?"

She made an amused face. "No one calls me that."

"I call you that, I just did." He sat down across from her. "You like mahjong?"

"Daddy does," she said.

"And chess, right?"

"No," Winter said, loudly. "He hates chess. He refuses to play it. He says all the geniuses are supposed to be so in love with chess and he doesn't want to be a stereotypical. He won't even let me learn."

Marty grinned. "Your dad is not a stereotypical at all. So what games do you play besides mahjong?"

Winter pushed the tiles around in a pattern Marty couldn't discern. He was sure it was there. She finally said, "Go, we play Go. And backgammon."

Marty said, "Winter, I know your mom and dad didn't do anything wrong."

"Me, too," Winter said. "Duh."

"They wouldn't do anything that could ever get you hurt," Marty said.

"I know," Winter said.

"That's pretty awesome," Marty said. "When I was your age, I didn't know that. I actually knew the opposite."

Winter looked up at him. "I'm sorry."

"Thank you. I think, Winter, see, I think you might know where your dad is. Because he loves you and he would want you to feel safe."

She started building a wall with the tiles. "Maybe," she said.

"If you help me, Winnie -"

"Don't call me Winnie," she said.

"If you help me, Florence Winterina Michaels, I will go to your dad and mom and I will help them."

"And you won't tell anyone else?"

Marty considered. He wasn't going to lie to a 6 year old and he was planning to tell Callen. So he wouldn't tell Callen, he'd find them and let Callen find him.

"Promise," he said.

She handed him a bird made from computer parts. "Does this fly to him?"

She laughed at him. "Look at the wings, dummy."

"I'm no dummy," Marty said. "I did not think to look at these wings which I see now have a little map on them that lights up."

2 hours later, Marty drew his gun but kept it low as he entered the abandoned floor. Kensi still drew down on him first. Even Casey had a gun though he only remembered to bring it up towards Marty after Kensi said, "Drop it."

"I can do that, Kens, but I am on your side," Marty said.

Kensi said, "Really?"

"Well, it's just me and not our new Assistant Director in charge of hating your ass, which, have you met this Granger guy?"

Kensi had already lowered and holstered her gun. Casey just put his down on the table. Casey said, "Owen Granger? He hates me a lot. It's pretty weird because I don't think I've actually done anything to him. There are lots of people who I totally understand why they hate me, but he's a mystery. Maybe he knew my mom? She was apparently very abrasive to everyone who wasn't me or my dad."

"He knew your dad, Kensi," Marty said. "But thanks for all that information."

"Sometimes he babbles," Kensi said.

"That was not babble," Casey said. He went back to his computer which sort of resembled a laptop. "Get this girl drunk and you'll hear babble. Oh, god, worse, go out with her and the two Tiffanys."

Kensi glared at him.

"So you know Peter Clairmont is alive and framing you," Marty said. "And probably trying to kill you."

"Yeah," Kensi said.

Casey said, "But not actually killing her. Instead of killing her back in 2006, he fakes his death. Clearly, he killed Donald Blye, but why?"

Marty said, "What do we know about their relationship?"

Kensi said, "My dad and his killer?"

"They were part of a black ops unit," Casey said. "They assassinated people for the US government. Sorry, Kensi."

"It's okay," she said. "I get it. I've know since before Winter was born."

"She's fine, by the way," Marty said. "Julia is taking good care of her. She was playing mahjong."

Casey's fingers stilled on the keys. Then he said, "Good."

Kensi said, "My mom didn't let anyone else in to see her?"

"God, no, she barely let me see her, she's a mama tiger," Marty said.

"Here we go," Casey said.

Marty said, "Exactly which files have you broken into?"

"That's not a good question," Kensi said. "We don't ask that."

"Clairmont and that company had 18 kills and one accident, mistake. They buried it deep, but looks like Clairmont killed someone when he was drunk. And someone found out," Casey said.

Kensi said, "My dad wouldn't stand for that. I know that."

"Well, he was murdered shortly after that," Casey said. "So it sounds like you're right."

Marty said, "Your mom was the abrasive one, huh?"

Kensi smiled at Marty. She said, "I'm fine. I'm good. I know what he means."

"Ironically, I never did a very thorough investigation into Donald Blye's murder until Peter Clairmont framed me," Casey said. "I just helped her out a little because Kensi was fixated."

Kensi had left to find the daughter of the journalist who had been digging into Peter Clairmont. Marty was acting as Casey's bodyguard.

Marty said, "Anything to help Kensi, right?"

"I did love her," Casey said. "I used to do a lot of things to try to make her happy."

"She's not unhappy," Marty said.

Casey shrugged. "I am not enjoying this whole being on the run thing. It used to be more fun, I think."

"So why did you go straight? I'm sure Kensi asked," Marty said.

Casey looked over at him with a small smile. He said, "Nope. She never did. By the time she knew my dastardly past even existed, Winter was two months old and she didn't want to know. You know the agent Kensi, she wasn't like that with me."

"And you're not going to tell me why you went straight," Marty said, smiling back.

Casey shrugged. "Fine, you're not the usual asshole asking. Here you go. Ironically, given the current circumstances, I nearly killed someone. I met a lot of bad people in my bad old days. And I never judged, because I considered myself to be a very bad man. I was wrong. I was very impressed with myself. I mean, I didn't do that much real evil, lots of theft and extortion. But there was this one time. This guy was actually bad. He was evil. He was going to kill me and I knew it so I set him up and it went wrong. It was a really good plan, too," Casey said.

"So he got away," Marty said.

"No. We had a, uh, physical confrontation -"

"Is that genius IQ speak for a fight?"

Casey smiled. "Neither of us were used to being the ones who actually fought, so it wasn't very John Woo of us. But I was younger and not as interested in drugs and I actually did work out sometimes, so. Eventually he ended up having fallen down a lot and his pupil was blown and I was looking around at his stupid room and I thought, he really needed to die. It wasn't actually a stupid room, you understand."

Marty nodded. "It was an evil room."

"And I thought, killing him would be a good thing." Casey stared off into the space. Marty knew that look. He'd been undercover enough to know exactly that look. Casey said, "And I had a revelation." Casey said revelation like he was describing something foul.

"So I found out I had a conscience and realized my not very evil actions had wrought intense harm, and I went, as you put it, straight. And I am telling you because you are the first not asshole who's asked."

"You don't talk to Kensi very much about work," Marty said, laughing.

"Legally, I am not allowed to talk to Kensi about her work. It was a specific condition of her employment," Casey said. He smirked. "Whatever she says to you, she likes bad boys. I think she did even before Jack abandoned her."

"I do know about Jack," Marty said. "She'd probably be pretty mad if you and I were talking about her."

"Probably?" Casey smiled and Marty heard the tiny ping.

"Get down," Marty hissed. He already had his gun ready. Casey tried to reach for his gun.

No one called out anything before the shots started. So, not from Granger. Marty shot back twice, didn't hit anything, ducked down behind the sofa again. Marty grabbed Casey's laptop and threw it across the floor, listening as it drew fire.

"That was worth a lot of money," Casey said. He had finally found his gun. He held it like he was not really comfortable with it. It was not incredibly heartening.

"What do you mean by a lot of the money?"

"Last offer I had to build a computer was over half a million," Casey said. "Should I be shooting back?"

"No, please. Thanks, for the offer." Marty was pretty sure there were four of them coming from the one door. There was no other entrance, no windows. Pluses and minuses to that, Marty thought.

He listened for a hot minute, then grabbed Casey's gun and did a shoot with two guns, what Casey would call a John Woo thing that was unbelievably stupid. He even added in a "Yippee-kai-yay!" He was hoping the sheer stupid would surprise Clairmont's trained mercenaries who would be expecting some kind of professional protecting the rich genius.

He managed to take down three of them, spotted the fourth by the door, and only got winged in three places. He sank down and enjoyed the moment when the adrenaline was covered the pain.

"That looked badass and seemed really stupid," Casey said.

"One to go," Marty said. He passed back Casey's gun and braced himself. He popped up and took two more shots towards the door. No one there.

He did a check of the whole room. Then he sank down on the couch. "Okay, you go over to the guys who are down and take their guns."

Casey did it, badly, but accomplished it. "They're all breathing," he said. "I take it we should head out and call an ambulance from elsewhere."

"Works for me," Marty said. "Take whatever you need." He'd already found the tiny first aid kit Kensi had brought (always the girl scout) and stopped the bleeding. It probably wouldn't even scar.

They went down two floors with Marty clearing each landing. Casey had a certain level of natural ability when it came to not being shot and was definitely smarter than the average villain, not that that was particularly hard since the average villain was a teenager hopped up drugs and hormones. Marty thought idly that he had not quite adjusted to viewing Casey as a former Mr. Evil given the pictures he'd seen before this encounter had been a grinning besotted father.

When they got to the parking lot, they saw one SUV. Marty said, "Looks like they came in two cars and that last guy decided to run."

"Or head back to Clairmont for whomever they're attacking now," Casey said. "What's his plan? The man is not the greatest planner."

"He didn't know I'd be there to protect you," Marty said. "He probably thought he could kill you, make it look like suicide."

"With my body riddled with bullets?"

"Four against one, man, they wouldn't need to shoot you that much," Marty said. "Plus, then they set everything on fire."

"No one would believe that," Casey said. "I'm not at all suicidal." He shook his head. "No one would care. Sorry, it takes a few minutes, apparently, to snap back ."

"Snap back into breaking into this car," Marty said.

"Or I could just use the key I took from him when I moved his weapon," Casey said. The car beeped and Marty got into the driver's seat.

Casey took out a phone from somewhere, sent a text and then broke the phone with the butt of the gun he found on the seat. "Who leaves a gun in plain sight?"

"A guy pulling into a deserted parking lot in a deserted building in a warehouse part of LA with no foot traffic," Marty said. "Where's your car?"

"I stole one and wrecked it 3 blocks from here," he said, nonchalantly.

"People like their cars, man," Marty said.

"No one liked that car," Casey said. "Looks like that is where Clairmont is holed up." He pointed at the GPS. "Are we headed there?"

"God, no," Marty said. "We're going to the Mission to regroup and get me some painkillers and sympathy. Lots of sympathy."

"You could be less subtle about wanting to bang my ex," Casey said.

"You were just telling me she would like me," Marty said.

"I'm a complex man," Casey said. "I take it back, go for it. You were in the right shooting your dad, you're a good guy."

"That's -, geez, thanks," Marty said. "You broke into -"

"The personnel files of someone who has met my daughter and she talks about all the time? Yes, I have."

"But you get upset when someone does it to you," Marty said.

"Like you don't have something you're hypocritical about," Casey said.

"Touche," Marty said.


	4. and I do my brutish best

July 2011: Kensi looked over Megan Stevens. The woman had a much nicer house than Kensi would have expected for a reporter. The kind of house Kensi would have had to have taken child support to get.

"Is there any reason I should trust you?" Megan looked understandably skeptical.

"It looks like the same people who killed your father killed my father. Trust that we share a common experience," Kensi said. "Why are those people, that man, why are they looking for you?"

Megan opened her mouth. Kensi heard the movement behind her and tackled Megan to the ground. Shots rang out and Kensi smelled gunpowder. A second to think and Kensi started moving. She held Megan down and shot towards the sounds.

One, two, three people, one particularly big, coming through the two entrances, all of them better armed than Kensi. Not so bad odds, she thought. She grabbed the knife in her ankle boot and went straight for the biggest one. She heard an audible thud as she ducked down and more bullets came. But only from two of them.

There were more shots, including one that hit Megan in her arm as Kensi moved them over to better shelter. Kensi knew she'd lost track of one of the shooters but she seemed to have the one she was aiming at pinned down.

Just as Kensi's main target went down with a lot of swearing, Kensi felt a blinding pain like a bomb in her shoulder. Megan screamed again and Kensi turned, trying to bring up her gun.

A blonde with a very mean expression had a gun pointed at Kensi's face. Winter, Kensi thought. She heard herself saying, "I have a daughter, please. Please."

The blonde said, "Are you kidding me?"

The blonde fell forward as Kensi's face was sprayed with blood. Callen said, "She seemed really unpleasant."

"I agree," Kensi said. Kensi stood gingerly and looked at over at her shoulder. The blonde had hit her with something, probably her gun, not shot Kensi, so that was good. "Took you guys long enough." She grabbed a towel and started scrubbing her face at Megan's sink.

"I guess these guys work for Peter Clairmont," Sam said.

"I could not agree more," Kensi said.

"Is Peter Clairmont the one who killed my father?" Megan Stevens was holding her blood soaked arm. "I trust you. I have a deposit box I got from him, I think that's what they were looking for."

Three hours later, Kensi was watching armed federal agents take Peter Clairmont alive. It felt pretty good. It felt like something she wasn't completely sure she understood.

She went back to the Mission. Deeks was wearing a black muscle shirt she wasn't sure she'd seen in him before, bandages on his arms. He looked good. It was funny, she thought, she looked for him first. Nate, Sam, Callen, everyone was smiling at her.

"Oh, good, you're here," Casey said. He looked expectantly at the man Kensi assumed was Assistant Director Granger.

Granger said, grudgingly and with a very angry look in his eye, "I apologize I thought you might have gone back to your bad old days."

"Good enough," Casey said. He stepped over to Kensi and hugged her. He smelled safe. He said quietly, "Are you good?"

"Yeah," she said. "Yeah."

He let go and stepped back. "I am going to go get our daughter." By the time he turned around, Eric and Nell were both in his face with the laptops, begging for just one minute of explanation.

"I don't think he's going to escape those meerkats for at least five minutes," Granger said to her. He pulled her aside.

He said, "I apologize. I knew your father, we were friends. I didn't want to believe he was murdered and I didn't want you to know the work he'd done, so when you requested information, I turned it down. And I do believe your father would not approve of your association with Mr. Kearing, but I can acknowledge that is not my place. So I am sorry."

"Okay," Kensi said. "Thank you."

Granger harumphed, an actual harumph sound, and walked away. She smiled at Deeks, Sam, and Callen. Deeks sat down on the side of the desk near her. "How do you feel about drinking to celebrate?"

"Not tonight," she said. Casey had disengaged from Eric and Nell.

Deeks said, "Catch up to us later."

Casey had obviously decided he didn't give a fuck about whose car was where - once they were three blocks away from the mission, a car from the service he used pulled up. He was very quiet on the ride to Winter. She almost said something but she liked the quiet, too. Five minutes before they were there, he said, "Thanks for not thinking I did it. Coming when I called you and not turning me in."

Kensi smiled. "I thought maybe you had framed yourself, like, you love a good con. And that's a good con. You get rid of everyone who threatens me and therefore Winter."

"I didn't do that," he said, looking at her.

She laughed. "If you did, you did it well."

"I didn't," he said. "Swear. No cons for me."

"Sure," she said. "I'm joking."

"You had me going," he said.

Then there was Kensi's mom and Winter trying to hug both of them at the same time. They had dinner together; delivery pizza. Winter kept grinning at Casey and her. It was really nice. Her beautiful family. Kensi borrowed her mom's car to drive Casey and Winter back to Casey's place after dinner.

"I'm exhausted," Winter said. "Fizzily and mentally exhausted."

"Me, too," Casey said. He steered Winter away from the living room and the missing pieces there.

Kensi started cleaning up for Casey and Winter. Putting things back where they were. Her eyes started closing on their own so she went back to Winter's bedroom. Winter was on her bean bag and Casey was asleep on her bed. Winter yawned and woke up as Kensi walked in. "Boy, he's super tired," she said.

"He was really worried about you," Kensi said. She took off Casey's shoes and pushed him around a little so he wasn't quite hanging off the bed. "There is no room for you now, Winter."

"Daddy's tall," Winter said.

"He's got a big bed," Kensi said, grinning. She carried Winter to the bedroom and set her down on Casey's bed. Two minutes later, Winter was zonked out, too. Kensi laid down next to her for just a few minutes.

When she woke up, it was 5 am. She squeezed Winter's shoulder and kissed her forehead. Winter said, "bye, mommy."

Kensi was standing outside and she had no idea about her car or what she was supposed to do today. She couldn't even think.

She stared at the sunrise and called Deeks. "Am I waking you?"

"A little. See you soon," he said.

He pulled up in his truck, the light behind his stupid golden hair. She smiled and got in on the passenger side.

"I guess you partied pretty hard last night," Deeks said.

She smiled. "No," she said. She watched the world go by on her side and realized he wasn't driving her to her apartment. "Where are we going?"

"Beach," he said. "I was up because I was going surfing."

"Maybe I don't want to sit on the beach and watch you surf," she said.

"That sounds ridiculous," he said.

He was right. He parked and Kensi got out. She walked two feet before she realized Monty had been asleep somewhere in the cab and had gotten up when the truck stopped. The dog had decided to stick with her instead of Deeks. She sat down on the towel Deeks had handed her. The beach was mostly deserted. She sat with Monty and watched the tide and the sand, listening to Monty breathe.

It was like meditating. She didn't think about anything at all.

Deeks whistled as he went by and Monty sprang up to follow him. She guessed she was supposed to do the same, though she rolled her eyes as she stood up and shook out the blanket. When she got to the truck, Deeks was changing out of his wet suit. It was a surprisingly pretty view. She didn't say anything until he was done and actually saw her standing there. He said, "Are you hungry?"

"No," she said, blushing. "No. Yes, food. I would like food."

"You would always like food," he said.

They drove to some dive 6 minutes away from the beach. It was packed with people, most of them looking like they were off to work right after. The food was greasy and filling, "your favorite," Deeks said. It was about all they said for the next hour. They'd barely talked, she realized.

When they were back in the truck, he said, "So how is it? Brought your father's killer to justice after all this time."

"It's good," she said. "It's not, it's not a huge change."

"Of course not," he said.

"No, really," she said. "It's like, when I was 17 or 21, sure. But when Winter was born, I was holding her and I thought, she will never meet my dad. My dad will never know her."

"That sucks," Deeks said, in his serious voice.

"Right," she said. She was a little teary but she took a breath and it went away. "So I can't change that. Any time I catch Peter Clairmont, any time I do that, Winter still never meets her grandfather and I never get to put her in his arms. So it's not as big as you might think."

"But still big," he said.

"Yeah," she said.

Then they were in front of her apartment. He said, "Tell me where you car is, and I'll bring it around tomorrow to get you to work."

"Why tomorrow? I have work today."

"Hetty gave you the day off. She gave all of us the day off. I think she's hoping by the time we get back, Granger won't have noticed she's giving orders from her sickbed," Deeks said.

"Do you think Hunter's okay with that?"

"Do you really care," Deeks said.

She smiled. "Nope." She still hadn't gotten out of the truck.

She looked over at him and he was looking at her and before she could say who started it, they were kissing. She tasted maple from his pancakes and felt his hand in her hair.

Then he sat back and she sat back. He said, "I kissed you first."

"What?"

"What, you're a one-upper. At some point, you're going to say, oh, I kissed you first and I just want to get this in right now, I kissed you. You kissed back."

"I did kiss you," she said. She leaned over and kissed him again, her hand trailing down his chest, a very awkward move around the steering wheel. "I definitely kissed you second."

He laughed and got out of the truck. She followed him out on the driver side. Then they were necking against the closed door, his hands in her hair, her grabbing his ass. "It's been a weird day," she said, stepping back.

"Right," he said. "Do you want to not do this? Is this weird?"

"No, I meant," she said. "I meant that today is already weird. But weird is probably good. I mean, it's a whole new day, right?"

"Absolutely," he said. "I don't think we're weird, though."

"Yeah," she said. "We're good. Which is weird to me, the whole not weird part."

"This conversation is getting way past me," Deeks said.

"You should come inside and we can stop talking," Kensi said. "I'm feeling good and weird."

"I'll come inside if you stop saying weird."

"But if I don't you don't want to see me naked?" She smiled at him.

"In that case, say what you want," he said. He walked up to her and they were kissing again, this time he definitely started it. They were still making out as they awkwardly backed into her apartment and then there was the couch and it was all much easier.


End file.
